Here’s What Your Stupid Diet Says About You
Keeping yourself balanced and overall healthy is oh-so-joyful and commendable. Honestly, it takes guts, stamina, and some preparation to reap those juicy rewards: the boosted self-esteem, the rush of endorphins, and a changed perspective on how you shape your happiness.
And since we’re all made of different molecules, it’s understandable that some people want to have toned curves or light-speed metabolism, while others wish to have everlasting glowy skin or rock-solid quality sleep.
But nowadays, with all these diets, boy oh boy, is it crazy town over here. Seriously. Everywhere you go, you’ll find “the one right way” to eat: obsessive beliefs about food, low-carb evangelists, yoga-leggings-smoothie community, nutritionholics, starve-victims, you name it. But what does your stupid diet really say about you?
*friendly reminder, that this is a mock-up blog post, no dietitians were harmed during the analysis, nor do we want to offend anybody*
Yeah, keep telling yourself that you’ll get thin by eating glazed doughnuts and churros. We believe you. It’s okay. You will get slim. Yep… No eye-roll, no face-palm.
You are the insulin flat-liners, followers of the bacon god, keto strippers…
Low-carb, high-fat paradise. Wasn’t it made initially as a diet for kids struggling with epilepsy, though?
For real, Keto is an interesting hack. It’s similarly unnatural; our bodies developed a system of processing dietary fats that reuses our internal fat processing. We use it to exploit the benefits of starvation without actually starving ourselves.
A self-destructing fine vehicle. The idea of not allowing yourself to eat for specific periods makes you hangry and binge-y. Just leave other people and their carbs alone!
Most people see it as a time-saver. They often have one (biiiig) meal and call it a day.
It works. You just have to figure out how to not overeat in your eating window. Eat enough, but don’t overeat.
To be fair, Intermittent Fasting changes your metabolism. It’s not just arbitrary. There’s science behind it, plus limiting the snacking generally puts you into a deficit. But there are essential cell functions that just don’t get triggered until you’ve entered a fasting state. There’s pretty good medical evidence that we evolved for fasting and thrive doing circadian, the same way that succulents thrive when watered less.
It’s a practical and challenging way to kickstart your diet journey, but it’s not everyone’s magic cure-all. Though, if done correctly and healthily, it can be a helpful tool for some people.
Quick tip if you’re a faster-to-be:
- Learn to love coffee.
- Also, just learn to be hungry. Accept that you are hungry and will be for a while, and that’s okay. You can go days without food if you have to, but you don’t. You will eat in 4-6 hours, so just wait it out.
It is a religion and quackery combined. This isn’t Spinach Makes Popeye Strong. This is marketing. The point of the diet is to stop eating so much processed crap.
The diet’s premise is that your body is better adjusted to food choices from an earlier time, generally targeted at around 12,000 years ago, rather than a modern or even slightly less ancient.
But there are insane health benefits beneath this Neanderthal eating style. After cutting out the processed foods, you can eliminate most food allergies and wake up not being stuffed up in the morning. Skin improves. Energy is through the roof. You need less sleep.
Though, cooking paleo can get exhausting sometimes (sometimes I just need someone to deliver food to me in my PJs at 2 AM).
Vegan / Vegetarian
Bacon is a vegetable. Didn’t you know that?
Vegans and vegetarians are some of the most creative people on the planet – they’ll do everything it takes to avoid meat or dairy. However, they will thrive off the juiciest meat burger patty imitations.
The diet’s idea is to save the world from an unnecessary consumption of animal products, stop violence against animals and switch to more harmless products that don’t involve killing an animal or using one for producing food.
While the idea is brilliant and very humane, it’s not hard to spot a vegan or a vegetarian reaching their zen eating veggies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner while throwing on a leather jacket on their way to meditation classes.
Whatever you do, our heroes, don’t forget to take some vitamins because the lack of them will creep in not long after you skip the animal-derived products. However, we value your compassion. Just don’t try to shame your carnivore friends and family, or even strangers.
Plus, cutting out these products results in weight loss and clearer skin. Win!
What Makes a Diet Easier
Every diet is a pain in the you-know-what to start with. We’ve all been here, and one of the most challenging things about a diet is remaining consistent.
Manifesting a slimmer body probably won’t help you. However, there’s a magic spell most of us don’t use as much as we should, and it’s… fiber.
Stop yourself from another never-ending gaze at a label and try ColonBroom – a reliable source of fiber that will help you kick any diet’s ass.
Why should it help? It’s compatible with most diets out there. It helps you adapt to a Keto diet and avoid the initial bloating and brain fog you are supposed to get from it. Also, it saves your body from the incoming high-fat food shock and helps process it.
Combined with Intermittent Fasting, it will help you stay full for longer periods. Meaning you won’t have to feel like you’re about to die from starvation. You can also use it during fasting, which means dessert tasting goodness without sin!
It’s not easy to find good nutrition advice. There’s so much misinformation out there that half the articles that claim to “bust the myths about dieting” just replace them with other fallacies. It got so bad that nutrition is no longer a simple topic, yet people want simple answers. Often “fat bad,” “salt bad,” “carbs bad,” and other blanket statements get blown out of proportion.
This is the crux of it. There’s also a growing tendency or desire to generalize recommendations that should never have been generalized. This way, we go from “doctors recommend low-salt diets to certain patients for specific reasons” to “low-salt diets are good for you” to “salt is bad for you” to “don’t cook with salt”.
Don’t get lost in the diet craze. No matter which path you choose, make sure to stay consistent, careful, and most importantly – sane! Don’t let the size of your clothes get into your head too much. And if you fail once, twice, or many times, don’t forget that it’s completely normal, and perhaps, try taking care of your gut in the first place.
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